Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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