By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
