I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
