just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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