And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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