then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize