btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
