i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize