I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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