I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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