A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
