you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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