4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
