Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
