i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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