Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
