census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
