That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
