She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sex in a hospital.. check
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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