Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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