do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
