Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
