Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
