So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
