I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
