last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
