i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have fence marks all over my body
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
