somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
