hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
