If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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