i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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