She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
