Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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