I can text with my tongue
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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