the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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