Welp...herpes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
