a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
