Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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