Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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