Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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