SEEEEXXX PLEASE
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
