We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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