don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize