I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
