Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
