he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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