i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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