Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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