You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
