she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
