DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
