I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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