He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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