So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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