This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
