I hate all girls vehemently.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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