sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
