Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
