I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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