I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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