dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
