Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
