I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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