it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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