I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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