Me too!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
