I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
