After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
