he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize