i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
