Well douche your snatch and let's go!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize