omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
