I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
